Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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