ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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