Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
