why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
