you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize