I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
