I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
