Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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