So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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