Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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