If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
