i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
