The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
