I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
