Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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