can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
