fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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