I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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