I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
