Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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