I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
