Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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