whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
