dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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