She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm at about main and main street
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
