I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
