There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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