This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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