So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
