Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
ugly people sure do ruin things
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
