My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
