Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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