I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
