is your mom at the bar?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he was CRYING into my vagina
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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