I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
