I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
