Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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