Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
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