Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
