went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
