Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
