I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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