Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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