i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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