I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
