so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize