Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She told me I should be a condom model.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
