He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
