if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
our cab driver is having phone sex.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
