So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I need to sanitize my soul.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
