i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
