We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
