You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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