She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
