I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
