do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
