Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
