Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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