I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
