I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
