She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize