well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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