yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
