Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
