We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
it glows. i had to have it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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