His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
