I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
