i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
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