In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
