...so i touched it.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
